- Oscar Pistorius, from "Blade Runner"
After a promising start, this last week was a bust. I tried to call my CP on Friday but we were unable to get together. I am not going to put the prosthesis back on until these small scabs are gone and the skin is clear. Once I can wear it again it will be sparingly with extended times off if I notice any drainage.
I did a full PT session on Sunday; still have my strength despite doing less weight lifting as I took more time to walk. It's all I can do now...if I had a boatload of money I'd buy a hand cycle but that will have to wait for the proverbial someday.
It's back to waiting now. A coworker asked me recently if I had any regrets, if I would do this all over again. It's not a fair question, because there is no going back. I could have had an arthritic ankle that would deform and hurt more and more for the rest of my life; stronger drugs would be required to tolerate the pain and cloud the senses. Today I have phantom pain but I'm not on any drugs to control the discomfort, as it is not nearly as bad as the bone-on-bone grinding that caused me to limp.
I would have never run again with my old foot, and I will run again with a prosthetic one.
So no, I wouldn't want my old foot back, but there are days I wish it was not a choice to have been made. I am frustrated with my lack of progress and with the knowledge running, when I get it back, will not be the same. It will require more patience and dedicated, intelligent work. Bad decisions will result in no running for days or weeks, leaving a training plan in shreds and a race in shambles.
I am thinking over my situation, and what I may need to do to insure success. Change for the sake of change is idiocy, but change for a positive outcome is smart. Loyalty has its place, but it is a joint venture, an equal partnership.
And I intend to do my bit.