Running to Life

Everything, of course, depends on your attitude to life. You have a choice: take what has happened to you as a slight from destiny and the theft of your natural right to have two legs, or simply embrace life and relish the new opportunities and knowledge that will come with the change.

- Oscar Pistorius, from "Blade Runner"

*******

After a promising start, this last week was a bust. I tried to call my CP on Friday but we were unable to get together. I am not going to put the prosthesis back on until these small scabs are gone and the skin is clear. Once I can wear it again it will be sparingly with extended times off if I notice any drainage.

I did a full PT session on Sunday; still have my strength despite doing less weight lifting as I took more time to walk. It's all I can do now...if I had a boatload of money I'd buy a hand cycle but that will have to wait for the proverbial someday.

*****

It's back to waiting now. A coworker asked me recently if I had any regrets, if I would do this all over again. It's not a fair question, because there is no going back. I could have had an arthritic ankle that would deform and hurt more and more for the rest of my life; stronger drugs would be required to tolerate the pain and cloud the senses. Today I have phantom pain but I'm not on any drugs to control the discomfort, as it is not nearly as bad as the bone-on-bone grinding that caused me to limp.

I would have never run again with my old foot, and I will run again with a prosthetic one.

So no, I wouldn't want my old foot back, but there are days I wish it was not a choice to have been made. I am frustrated with my lack of progress and with the knowledge running, when I get it back, will not be the same. It will require more patience and dedicated, intelligent work. Bad decisions will result in no running for days or weeks, leaving a training plan in shreds and a race in shambles.

I am thinking over my situation, and what I may need to do to insure success. Change for the sake of change is idiocy, but change for a positive outcome is smart. Loyalty has its place, but it is a joint venture, an equal partnership.

And I intend to do my bit.