A Long Ago Dream

I saw small five dogs, lying still end to end, along the edge of the sidewalk. At first I thought they were dead, line up like that, all about the same size, mostly white with some light tan patches.

As they started squirming and wagging their tails, I realized the dogs were playing in a way I have never seen, like little boys playing a game they had imagined a moment before.

I looked to my left, and there were hundreds of puppies, coming up the road, shepherded by a few people. They were like the other dogs in size and color, and seemed happy with that joy puppies share in life.

My brother and I were on horses, and we were riding to the side of the road. I feared we might step on the puppies, but they moved around us like smooth stones in a river.

We rode up into a meadow, full of flowers like none I had ever seen or could imagine. Crystalline blue glass, strange geometries of changing light, bowing and nodding in the breeze.

Again I feared we would break them as we rode through the waving blooms, but none were touched. The color changes from the blue to a purple light in shapes I cannot describe, passionflowers reborn in a new world.

We were then sitting on the side of five steps, my father at the top, my brother at my side. They were wearing white Bridge Run tee shirts, mine was dark. We talked and laughed and there were no worries, no troubles, only happiness and joy.

I woke up and thought about this dream and whether or not this was my glimpse of heaven. My pets will be in my heaven, but this heaven of dogs would be one my brother would inhabit, and one he shared with me.

Dedication

Just a few days away now from the Bayshore Marathon, my first marathon since 2016. Training is done and all that is left is to run a few easy miles, try not to forget to pack everything, and keep checking the weather every 5 minutes. :)

There is always so much uncertainty in a race but definitely amplified for this distance. I will have family for support that is without question a force that will help me when the going gets tough.

Lately I have been thinking about my mom often, how she supported me when she saw my passion running as a child and even tried to get me coaching when it simply wasn't available where we lived. I think how I wish I could do the impossible and tell her only now can I appreciate what I had, a mother who always loved me and never let me doubt who I was or what I could do.

I can hear her voice now, calling me "Ricky" as I was known as a kid, telling me I can do this. I can see her face and feel her presence and know too I will see her in my mind and heart as I take to the starting line. And remember.

*******

If There Are Any Heavens

if there are any heavens my mother will(all by herself)have

one.   It will not be a pansy heaven nor

a fragile heaven of lilies-of-the-valley but

it will be a heaven of blackred roses

 

my father will be(deep like a rose

tall like a rose)

 

standing near my

 

swaying over her

(silent)

with eyes which are really petals and see

 

nothing with the face of a poet really which

is a flower and not a face with

hands

which whisper

This is my beloved my

 

        (suddenly in sunlight

 

he will bow,

 

&the whole garden will bow)

                                                                 - e.e. cummings

Mom and Me
Hannibal MO October 1, 2007

American Academy of Orthotists and Prosthetists - March 3, 20222

Brent Wright and me

I had a fantastic time at the American Academy of Orthotists and Prosthetists yesterday. Met some amazing professionals at Hewlett-Packard and their partners in this great endeavor.

One thing that struck me over and over is how well these people worked together for a common goal, to produce the best outcomes for current and future patients. What a great profession of caring individuals.

I gave an abbreviated version of my story at the HP 3D printing presentation, strange how it comes to life in my mind when I do this, especially the emotions that surface in this journey. I realize how fortunate I am to touch my dreams through the efforts of an army of healthcare professionals.

This could not have happened had I not been a patient at ProCare Prosthetics & Orthotics, and having worked with such dedicated prosthetists there. The teams and facilities Stephen A. Schulte has created and specially the efforts of Shane Grubbs allowed me to me to work in the development of a one-of-its-kind-in-the-world running prosthesis. Shane's passion for his profession parallels mine for running, he loves his work and is ever looking to improve the lives of amputees.

Brent Wright has been working with Shane to produce my current 3D printed running prosthesis. He was kind enough to walk the AAOP exhibit floor and talk to some of the professionals there. He, like Shane, loves his work and I am fortunate to come to know him.

Outer Socket Showing Vacuum at Knee 

 

I would say it is unbelievable but I was there so... There is so much promise in this technology, I am very familiar with HP printers in my former job and know as the equipment becomes more advanced and volumes go up, prices come down and can be available to a much wider market.

We still have a ways to go, but the fact I have run for 15 weeks now with zero blisters or other skins issues is something that I've haven't done for at least 8 years. Plus my current long run is 17 miles and almost 60 miles for my 9 day training block.

I am not sure I can achieve the time I need to run at my next marathon in order to qualify for the competitive Boston mobility impaired division, but I do believe I can run such a time at Boston in 2023 with the training I can now do. I will be 70 then, something probably even more unbelievable to me. Whatever the future brings, its promise is brighter than ever for disabled athletes.

It is a good day to run, now and tomorrow.

Running to Tomorrow

3D Printed Inner Socket

We are on our third prototype socket as seen above. The main difference is it is completely skinned,  that is you don't see the lattice structure of the previous two designs.

Those designs were initially in response to a problem I was having with distal fib swelling. This was caused by a single surgical screw what was employed to hold my Ertl type leg reconstruction together while the bones fused to each other.

X-ray showing exposed screw

Over time the screw caused irritation and sharp pain and induced swelling as the leg remodeled itself. This most likely caused the eventual blisters that were the bane of my running for years and made any distance running impossible without severe consequences.

I had the surgical screw issue finally identified by Dr. Ohlson and it was removed on December 15, 2020 in an out-patient procedure that was fairly quick. Pain was minimal and I jogged my first post-surgery mile on January 21, 2021.

Screw removal stitches

So we continue to refine my 3D prosthesis with modifications to the inner socket and I suspect outer frame in time. I seriously doubt I would have had access to this new technology at this point in time had I not had this screw issue. Shane Grubbs, my prosthetist, dogged pursuit of a solution brought us all together. The old adage "opportunity in adversity" is a recurring theme in my running saga, and it has taught me humility and patience far beyond any natural inclinations for those traits.

I have been asked by HP to join them at their booth at the American Academy of Orthotists and Prosthetists (AAOP) on March 3, 2022 to highlight this new technology and the benefits it offers. It will be an honor to meet the some of the people who have made great advances in prosthetics and helped me return to distance running.

I ran 17 miles two days ago, and although I did have to make some modifications to my fib head area for fit, I ran the distance with no blisters and little post-run muscle soreness. For years this had not been possible for me.

Now...I run to tomorrow.

2013 Boston Starting Line

Left to right: Randy Spellman, Mike Lenhart, Me, MD Shariff Abdullah, Kelly Luckett, BethAnn Perkins

The Long and Winding Road

My first 3D printed inner socket

 

 It has been a while since I worked on this blog, which is basically and account of my amputee running journey.

I intent to restart soon as I am attempting to qualify for the 2023 Boston Marathon, which will be the 10 year anniversary of my first marathon...and one that will live forever in history in the love that rose from the ashes of hate.

Much has happened in the time from my last postings until now. Lost family, new residence, and considerable prosthetic trials.

It has been a journey I could never have anticipated, yet one I embrace daily. I will be 70 should I make it to the starting line in Hopkinton in 2023. Covid has had a shouting say in our lives that may yet cause disruptions, but there is nothing I can do about that.

What I am doing is training to my goal, aided by a tremendously dedicated prosthetist - Shane Grubbs - who has gone far beyond the extra mile in getting me back to consistent training.

We cannot know what tomorrow will bring, yes, life is that box of chocolates.

Let us have One More.

My Litter Mate

The fields are so large I could run forever in one direction
and then forever back.

There is no end to these fields.

Baxter

In Mongolia, when a dog dies, he is buried high in the hills so people cannot walk on his grave. The dog’s master whispers in the dog’s ear his wishes that the dog will return as a man in his next life.


Then his tail is cut off and put beneath his head, and a piece of meat of fat is cut off and placed in his mouth to sustain his soul for its journey; before he is reincarnated, the dog’s soul is freed to travel the land, to run across the high desert plains for as long as it would like.


I learned that from a program on the National Geographic Channel, so I believe it is true. Not all dogs return as men, they say; only those who are ready.


I am ready.

- Enzo, "The Art of Racing in the Rain" (Garth Stein)

Four

In my dream we have run a long, long way. A lifetime. We have been this way before but never this far.

Time moves where it once stopped.

We push beyond into the unknown, where we go under, not over, the bridge. Voices of thousands aloft in the air. Life vibrates, ringing. Lifting.

Shouting.

I am.

We. Are.

We turn right. Pain falls away.

Faces are many deep. Ahead I see one more. One more turn.

Left. The weight of the miles falls away.

I am lighter than air.

I stay left. Was it here, I think, as we move past. 

I glance up, to the side, unsure where I am, this place of dreams. I think of them, the lost, the beloved.

And here...was it here...

Up go my arms, my wings, I hear only the wind. They flutter away, released from this place.

Time will not slow, it will not stop, it moves and moves and moves and we cross over, we who live in this place. This now.

We stop, returning to this earth.

They circle and are gone

where we all go

into forever

Boston Marathon - April 21, 2014