Prologue to Marathon Posts

 

I have tried to capture the days leading up to my marathon and then the race itself. I simply could not fit it all into a single post, and I know I still left many things out that come back to me in quieter moments. I could write a book. :-)

There are seven posts, and I will try to publish one or more a day starting tomorrow. I enjoyed writing these, and I am happy to be able to share this journey with you.

Your friend in running,

- Richard

Quick note

It is going to take a few days to distill all that happened yesterday. So please bear with me as I try to put into words what was in my head and heart as I approached and ran the Charleston Marathon. It was a good day to run, one that I will replay in my mind for the rest of my life.

In the meantime, you can still help us with our goal to cure FOP here. Ashley is planning a 5k race in the Atlanta, GA area to benefit IFOPA in the spring, so if you can come I would love for you to meet her there.

Thanks for your patience!

Keep. Moving. Forward.

The title of this post is one of the mantras I use when the going gets tough on longer runs. Even if I am slowing down and losing race time, you don't get to the finish line unless you move toward it. So if I am tired and wanting to stop and maybe even sit for a while, I first try this: Keep. Moving. Forward.

The Charleston Marathon is in less than two days. I have decided to try not to talk about the things I have no control over, the things like lost training time I cannot change or fix. My goal remains to complete the race, and to do this I will need to run slow and see if I can indeed finish. A faster time will have to wait for another day, this day will be special in many other ways.

Ashley's mom Carol wrote to me concerned they will probably not be able to come for the race. It's a long drive in good conditions, but even a little ice on the road would be treacherous and there can be no chance for Ashley to fall getting in and out of the car. I often imagined how it would be to see Ash at the finish line, but there is another one we all want to see and you can help here.

This would afford me the opportunity to run the marathon on another day. I could drop to a shorter distance on Saturday, take some time to dial in my new prosthesis, and get the quality training I need to run a the way I feel I am capable of later. Yet even with these things considered I find I cannot turn back now, something inside compels me to Keep. Moving. Forward.

The one shoe I will be wearing on Saturday

There will only be one inaugural Charleston Marathon, the very race, if not the course, that I have long dreamed about. If I decided not to do it I would certainly carry that regret - and too many excuses - around in the baggage compartment. No thanks.

Tomorrow is going to be one busy day. Four hours of work, then hoping my new prosthesis makes it to me in time to test, make and send video of walking and running to the Stephen Schulte at ProCare for a quick visual assessment of my alignment, go to the packet pickup and pasta dinner, then home to make sure all race items are accounted for and perhaps time for a quick pre-race post.

*******

It is hard to believe that race day is nearly here, it has seemed like a dream in many ways. One I will wake up from to tell Jennifer, you won't believe this, I dreamed I was a one-footed guy trying to run a marathon on ridiculously low mileage and a brand new prosthesis. Thing is, I am wide awake and yes, I am doing these things.

I am lucky to be able to run again. More than that, how many runners get to experience running their first marathon twice? Running does love me, and I running. Just when I thought I could not love it more...an entirely new universe opens and embraces me. And for that I have few words, but plan to do the doing on Saturday.

Keep.

Moving.

Forward.

Cliff's Edge

I am severely under-trained for this marathon, never have I felt so ill-prepared for a race. My new running prosthesis has been sent overnight to ProCare for some adjustments as my Sunday 10 miler morphed into a sad 8 miler. I knew we would be pushing the envelope to get a completely new running prosthesis ready to go in a little over a week, but it was my fault for waiting so long to make this change. The guys at ProCare can work magic given a reasonable schedule and I feel certain as adjustments are made things will get much better; the reason I know this is because I have talked to other athletes and have seen what they can do.

Current back of knee injury

With a good fitting prosthesis this race would be very difficult; with a problematic one it will be awful. No doubt if this was a weekend 5k I would blow if off until later, but this my goal race and one I felt I had given myself an abundance of time to train for. That is true; I factored in around 4 weeks of downtime. Turned out to be at least twice that much of lost training, the inability to do key long runs and speed work that could spell failure on race day.

I fear this race, but more than that, I fear not doing it more. I am ready to accept what I must, but I must run as far as I can go.

I will be on the starting line for the Charleston Marathon this Saturday. I am running to help cure FOP in honor of our friend Ashley Kurpiel. Ashley will be at the finish line with her parents, and that is why I must finish this journey.

You can help here.

Thanks to everyone who have already helped and supported this effort. You are my friends. You are the heroes who will help beat FOP.

To Life

My passionflowers

This past Sunday I was to run 16 miles to perform the acid test on my leg; if it started bleeding again I was going to have to bail on running the Charleston Marathon. My plastic test socket was never comfortable during the run and I could feel something wet against my skin only about 6 miles out.

Sweat or blood?

I knew sweat would definitely be inside the liner, but if I stopped and found blood I'd have to call Jennifer to come retrieve my sorry carcass. I decided not to stop...what would it really matter if I was bleeding now or after the 16? Either way I would be calling the race off, BUT if there was no bleeding I would have the semi-long run done and would still feel capable - in the most inadequate sense of the word - of doing the marathon.

My pace waned throughout the run until it reached "excruciatingly slow" on the dial, right next to "dead stop." And I did stop a few times, feeling a sharp pain and discomfort and wondering what I was doing to myself, and how in the hell was I going to run 26.2 miles in such a state. Random thoughts criss-crossed in my mind. I thought of my friend Ashley. I remembered waking up in the recovery room. I thought of how much work and time I had put into this effort. A vision was conjoured up of my dad and our walks to "the rock" in western North Carolina. Inside I could feel the dirt beneath the feet of a boy running through the woods.

Was I to abandon if I could not run as fast I as capable of even if this run went well?

I made a peace with myself, that if I was not bleeding I would do what it took to run this marathon, something was tugging at my soul that it would not be about the finish time, but the time running and seeing that finish line.

Nobody said it would be easy.

*******

It took over 3 hours to run the 16 miles. I ran 13.1 miles 3 weeks prior in under 2 hours.

But I was not bleeding.

*******

I write this from the ProCare lounge where I am hanging out while my first new test socket is being built. As mentioned in a prior post, I have changed prosthetists. Stephen Schulte is methodically working to build a state-of-the-art running prosthesis that I will almost certainly wear in my marathon attempt. Any athlete knows it is usually a very, VERY bad idea to change equipment right before the main event; many a runner have spoken the words "woe is me" or more likely "$*&^!" for changing shoe models days before a race.

This is to say I know the danger I am courting, but it is a risk I have to take. I know my current socket is trouble, it proved that at Kiawah. Even if my new socket feels good right away, from experience I know small imperfections may not show up for a week or two; but in 9 days and a few hours I will be somewhere on the streets of Charleston or North Charleston running my first marathon as an amputee.

Perhaps I will look back in the time to come and say: "Richard what a fool you were to think you could run on that low mileage and on a brand new prosthesis in a marathon! Idiot."

But the gamble I am willing to take, and put my very body on the line for, is to remember hearing this for the rest of my life: "Richard Blalock, from Mount Pleasant, has just finished the Charleston Marathon!"

I will see my dear friend Ashley there. My sweet wife Jennifer will be waiting for me. And the only time that matters will be the here and now.

To life.

Changes

This post is difficult to write. Difficult in that I have thought about what I'm about to tell you for a long time. I kept thinking things would be resolved and get better and I'd not have to do this. When you've been with someone from the start and find things just are not working out, it makes for a hard decision; one I have found nearly as difficult as deciding to amputate my foot in 2009. It many ways it feels like a divorce.

First I want to say without reservation that I deeply appreciate all that my friend Larry Wiley has done for me at Floyd Brace. I know without any doubt that helping me reach my running dream has been as important to him as it has been to me. Never have I felt I have imposed on him and I know he genuinely has his patient's best interests in mind. From being there at the hospital when I had my surgery to traveling with me to the the Getting2Tri National ParaTriathlon Training Camp, Larry has been there every step along the way.

As I have pushed forward with my training with an eye on the Charleston Marathon, I have had many problems we've tried to resolve. Unfortunately, I have not been able to train consistently because of many issues as I've written about on this blog. Now in a tenuous position of being undertrained in a race that hates those who do not respect the distance; it even hates those who do respect the monster, it is an equal opportunity teacher. You will hurt, some more, some less. I have always hurt doing a marathon.

I have decided to change prosthetists. There, I've said it. Larry has taken me as far as we can go, and now I have to go further. I must be able to train on a consistent basis to achieve my goals, and I have decided after many months of gut checking introspection to become a patient at ProCare Prosthetics in Buford, Georgia. Many amputees will recognize this company as the one who has helped many high level athletes reach their incredible goals, like Scott Risgby, Jason Gunter, and Rajesh Durbal.

From before my amputation, I was told from other amputees that prosthetic fit is all-important and that I shouldn't let loyalty affect my judgment in prosthetic care. This is much easily said than done and I have struggled with it time and time again. I do know, however, it must be done, and the time is now.

I love the people at Floyd Brace and will miss the visits there as a patient. To see a child's face light up when Maurice Johnson simply walks into a room is a testament to their caring. God knows I appreciate that. To see how many employees and their families have begin their individual journeys back into health and fitness is something that their patients will benefit from...indeed, actions always speak louder than words. Thank you for all you have done for me, and know I will forever be grateful for your help.

As I enter the next phase of my amputated life, I will never, ever, forget those who helped me get here. Growing pains are difficult in everything we do, it is the struggle toward our goals that we engage in every day. There are things we must never let go, and others that we must change to move forward.

For me, that time is now.

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

                             - Coldplay "The Scientist"

Getting There

My previous butterfly bandage was not sufficient to stop the small amount of bleeding I am experiencing since running the Kiawah half marathon. Funny, I had been thinking about using super glue to help the area heal and had planned to mention it to my surgeon, but it slipped my mind as we talked about prosthetics.

I wasn't sure what exactly was going on at the time, but later it was apparent that likely it was a blood blister that had formed behind my incision line. When it burst it left a small indention which has refused to close, while leaking a small amount of fluid/blood. My good friend Kelly Luckett, an amputee ultramarathoner, said her husband Brian insisted that she tell me to think about using super glue, as he uses it on his fingernails as a classical guitarist. Although I have no such talent - other than listening to some musicians like Segovia and Parkening - I have used super glue on my nails after splitting them while working on computer guts or for no reason at all, likely age related.

Dr. B, not a PhD

So this past Monday I removed my first effort at a more robust bandage, obtained some super glue from my daughter-in-law Kristen, and glued my owie shut. I placed two wound closure strips over it and another hydrocolloid bandage over that to protect and cushion the injury site. I could not detect any bleeding on Tuesday and as I write this on Wednesday evening it appears to be on the mend.

With 16 days to the marathon, I am going to try to run 2 - 3 miles tomorrow and see what happens. If I bleed again I will toss in the towel on the Charleston Marathon. If no bleeding, I will run 4 in Friday, 8 on Saturday, and 16 on Sunday. This is aggressive mileage, but I truly have no choice given the race date. I have already thrown out any time goal whatsoever; the race is to finish before the course is closed. It is my fault for allowing such injuries to adversely affect my training. This will change.

The plan now is IF I run the Charleston Marathon to think of it as over distance training and still run the Snickers marathon in March. There are many variables at play here, so this may not happen. Part of me is going to be very upset that I am running to finish, not running to the best of my current ability. I believe this is not an unwarranted emotion but one that I have had to learn the hard way, through that unforgiving teacher Experience. The peak beyond this is the Boston Marathon in 2012, the one I share with my old able-bodied self. I will not allow an ill-fitting prosthesis to keep my from this goal.

For some reason this song is sticking (maybe it was the super glue) in my mind, particularly the lyrics:

I'm gonna get there soon
You're gonna be there too

                             - Mat Kearney

I suppose I am thinking about the marathon, being in the moment of the race, thinking how it will feel to see that finish line, who will be there, and explode with the emotion I can only imagine from here.

And I am going to get there soon. You will be there too.