On the death of our day old bluebirds

Nature is equal parts beauty and cruelty, as is mankind.

We, however, get to choose.

Choose wisely.

Teacher, Humbled Student

Jato and I have now done 3 runs together, 4, 5, and 3 miles. I have to say even with preparing myself for running on this blade that initially I was wondering if I could get use to it. After last night's 3, the answer is: YEAH BABY!

It sounds contradictory to say the foot feels more "natural" while also harder to run on, but at least in the early stages of adapting to it this is precisely what is happening. The Renegade foot I have been walking and running in has a heel-to-toe mechanics, while Jato is strictly forefoot strike only and a relatively small contact area at that. So the angle Jato meets the pavement on foot strike is key: overstriding will hyperextend the knee and effectively put the brake on with a return bounce; understriding will cause you to stumble. Too high or too low affects compression not to mention straining other muscles and the back.

When I tried the other running feet - the cat6 Nitro and the Sprinter - I was mildly surprised at how much work I was putting into them. Trying to get the correct foot strike to maximize compression without stumbling or hyperextending my knee took a lot of concentration. If I looked up to see a passing car or neighbor waving I often stumbled when I broke my attention to running form.

So I started with Jato in the same manner, but I was prepared to do whatever it took to make it feel part of me, not some dead appendage along for the ride. During the first two runs with the blade I just could not get a consistent feel to the running gait. The best I could do was a sort of stabbing foot strike to get the foot down without overstriding and under me. It was awkward and I felt my one true gimpness. I adjusted the foot some, tilting the blade forward and aft, but couldn't find the magic angle that felt just right.

Wednesday night I made an adjustment before I left the house, and about 100m later I sat down on the curb and monkeyed with it some more. Back on, another 100m, leg off, more fiddling. Okay...off we go, give it some time...a little over a mile later it seemed better, mainly I was not scuffing the bottom and rarely overstriding. Cool.

I ran mile 2 around 9:30 and found myself settling into a good rhythm, even stride, and my giddy-up was a go.

A smile, a nod of the head, a rush of emotion.

Yeah, I know I have a race tomorrow but I am not backing off the pace. I am running with Jato. I had prepared myself for at least 2 weeks of finding this very place, running without thinking about the blade, and I was doing it on my third run.

I end the run with an 8:45 mile and already thinking about tomorrow. Should I run the iFive:k race in the blade? No...NO...the Charleston streets are going to be a challenge with old pavement and rail lines, something that bothered my old ankle in this very race a few years ago.

This will be the swan song for running in my current Renegade foot, which I am thinking of naming "Grandfather" from the book "Little Big Man." Yeah, I like that. I will use it for rough terrain should I do any trail running, or maybe for an impromptu run if I don't have Jato with me.

Off to the races.

Rest up Jato my friend. You're gonna need it.

*******

Just got back from the iFive:k. Even though it was a PR at 27:37, asthma dropped anchor on my right lung and I ran well below my current potential. Oh well, Jato and I will attack the distance in a couple of more weeks, and I won't forget to take a hit on my inhaler like I did tonight.

Jato Comes to Me

On Friday, April 16, 2010, 1 year and two days after my amputation, I received my Freedom Innovations Nitro running prosthetic foot.

Jato has come to me.

My carbon fiber (CF) socket was not ready, so I will run in a new plastic temporary one for now. This will afford me the opportunity to find if there are any problem areas so the definitive CF socket can be adjusted. I was a little disappointed that me entire completed foot was not ready, but in reality this will work out for the best.

I donned Jato and took it out behind Floyd Brace for a few strides down the parking lot, with about half the office watching me try it out. The compression is definitely more of what I have been expecting, in fact, Larry had to add a spacer to make the build taller. I did not stumble at all while taking a few runs back and forth, but the foot strike is so different from the Renegade that I can't tell if it needs adjusting or I need to run a few days/weeks in it to feel more confident. Indeed, it is probably a combination of both.

*******

Jennifer and I did 4 miles around the neighborhood on Saturday. I didn't stumble but sometimes scuffed the bottom of the blade, which has the forefoot of a Nimbus shoe glued to the bottom. Because the blade is actually somewhat taller than my left leg to allow for compression, this is something I'll do less often as I get use to it.

While running I couldn't shake the feeling that the angle of the foot under me needed some adjustment, although I couldn't exactly say what it was. Ah, but I have the handy hex wrench, and have made some adjustments for my next run in it tonight. I carry my little six-sided friend with me to do some fine tuning as needed. It's still an experiment of one, George.

I ran a few steps faster towards the end of our run, thinking it will quite different from the Renegade at speed. This is when I felt I needed the foot strike adjusted more, I sure did not want to fall and break a collarbone or wrist or crater the pavement with my noggin.

*******

On Sunday I headed out for what I hoped would be another small goal reached: the 40 mile week. I have been stuck in the 30s with socket fit problems for a while, and even though I really wanted to putter around with Jato, I needed the mileage boost more.

Jennifer and I ran about 5 together, then parted ways as she headed home and I into the unknown. The weather was decent, overcast at times with a breeze so I did not overheat. I dried the socket off once around 4 miles when we made a pit stop at home, but none after that.

I ran strong through 10 miles, but at 11 and until the end I had to keep my focus to not slow down or start Gallowalking. (If you walk you do not run, it really is that simple.) My stump seems to get an uptick in sensitivity toward the end of the long run, more so since I gave the socket a crash diet a couple of weeks ago where it was causing abrasions at my knee.

I finished 13 miles and was very satisfied with the week's effort. With the allergy symptoms and possible mild infection behind me, I should be in good shape for the 1Five:k run on Thursday. I am confident I will grab a new PR, but I will likely do it in my old trusty Renegade. I'd love to run with Jato, but we have some work to do together before I unleash his fury on...me.

Oh yes, I did get my 40 mile week.

So next up is to become one with the blade, do a 5k for the last time (unless x/c or trail and then "depends") in my Renegade, and plan for my next race in May with Jato on even pavement somewhere. It's going to be fun, lots more to learn, with more mountains to scale and enjoy the expanse below before thinking: I bet the view is even better over there.

And it is.

Crawl, climb, or fly, you can get there.

*******

The mundane, everyday training forges the fine steel of glory.

- Random thought around mile 8 by moi, Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ampiversary

 Ampiversary cupcake provided by Jennifer

Yesterday, April 14, was my one year ampiversary.

It was a busy day at work, plus a trip to my prosthetist, then a 7 mile run afterwards, so I did not make time to post about this milestone day. I've also been working on a project to get a physically challenged division started in the Cooper River Bridge Run, to augment the wheelchair division they have embraced there.

I was thinking about this day more on April 13, the last day of my 'intactness' and remembering what I was thinking the day before and of my surgery. Going to bed that night and knowing what was going to happen in the morning. Getting dressed in my gown and through experience the ability to tie it up and keep my butt unexposed. The feel of the pre-op sheets. The pre-op talk with Dr. Ohslon. Getting my nerve block stuck in my leg. Going into the OR.

Waking up to what I would come to find as a very new me.

And here, one year and one day later, stating without reservation, I have no regrets and given all I know, would do it again. I would not have that old foot back. And could never, ever trade the new friends and experiences I have been so blessed to receive, all for appearance.

We lose pieces of ourselves every day. Hair. Nails. Skin. We lose other pieces through disease or accident. Teeth. Appendix. Tonsils. Yet when we lose a limb it is different as the change in appearance is more radical. I freely admit I think of this larger part of me that is gone and I have a strange sense of loss, different than losing a life but perhaps a cousin to that event. A piece of me has gone into the hereafter. I don't despair over my lost doggie, but I do remember him with some fondness.

*******

Tomorrow I should receive Jato. This will be the demarcation point from my high activity Renegade foot to my running prosthesis. With my experiences with the other not-quite-ready-for-prime-time running feet, I have mentally prepared myself for the transition. Even if the energy return feels better - and it should be quite different from the other feet - it will take some time to adjust to the different foot strike which is forefoot only.

As I have mentioned, this does feel more natural to me, more evident when I put my Renegade back on which is a heel-to-toe foot strike. In the past this is more of what I do when running slower; I only went with a more mid-foot strike when running faster.

If I can manage it, doing two-a-day shorter runs should help make this transition easier. Although the feel is more natural, it not the same and therefore I will be using muscles somewhat differently than they have been use to for past years; this will add some fatigue until they respond to the training stimulus. I don't want to find that the different feel masks any skin irritations that might develop over a longer run. Ideally Jato and I will get along like old friends, but given I will also have a new socket configuration there will likely be some fine-tuning issues to address.

I hope to be confident enough with Jato to run my next 5k in it on April 22 as I know my fitness, especially recovery from the allergy crud, is good.

It will be a good day, uh, evening to run!

The dingo Baxter guarding his territory - babies beware!

Long Run Nyet

My long run today was tough and the pleasure quotient was sub prime. Other than being overdue for a compensatory 'bad run,' I think two other things contributed to my less than stellar performance. First, I am recovering from a nuclear allergy attack that left me running a low grade temperature and therefore a likely infection. I was not running a temperature this morning but the past few days my HR was elevated so I knew my body was not 100%.

I was prepared to take it slow and just get the distance in. My plan was to run 12, maybe 13 if I felt good. I never felt comfortable and my mile times slowed; my HR was high and I was not really enjoying myself. I was running around Rivertowne and the country club where I have put many miles on the roads. It had been a couple of years since I had been back there and not much had changed with the sluggish economy putting home building in a choke-hold.

At about the 8-mile mark I decided the best thing for me was to head home. Just over 9 miles I started having an odd sensation in my stump. There was no skin irritation, but I think when I went postal on my socket last weekend that most of the pressure got transferred to the distal end of my residual and it was not happy with carrying a larger load.

I ended up jogging - yes jogging - the last mile and Gallowalking, something I really don't care for, and ended with about 10.5 miles. Once home I was limping with the sore stump but this evening it is better. Since I have a socket fitting at Floyd Brace tomorrow I will likely get my socket diagnosis confirmed by Larry.

With a new socket, blade, and body fully recovered, my 5k PR is going down hard on the 22nd. And this run? It will make that day glow brighter, especially since it is an evening run!

Sharpening the Blade

The good news is I will be getting my definitive running foot in my weight category within a week or two, and I will also get a new carbon fiber socket with some major changes to make it more comfortable for distance running. I go this Monday to have the socket cast.

We finally tried the Otto Bock Sprinter foot that was sent to us by mistake instead of the C-Sprint model. This foot was mounted on the back of a carbon fiber test socket and I must say looked damned cool!

The problem with using a sprint foot in lieu of a distance foot is I also needed a lighter category foot as sprint feet are stiffer than the distance feet. I just found this out a couple of weeks ago, so even if Otto Bock had sent the C-Sprint foot it may not have worked out, although I think it could have been more easily adjusted per the literature.

I can say this Sprinter foot was easier to run in than the Nitro Cat6 foot I tried. It compressed easier and offered better energy return, but that was to be expected even as a sprint foot. However, I found myself catching the leading tip on the pavement at times, nearly falling in the process. Jennifer ran with me once and her mom-school-bus-stop-arm was swinging out to catch me at regular intervals. This is not to pass judgment on the Sprinter; we are asking it to do something for which it was not designed. It is a sprint foot, not a distance foot like the Ossur Flex-Run or Freedom Innovations Nitro.

The socket with this foot also caused the skin to break around my kneecap, so this was not pleasant either. I had been having problems with my plastic socket irritating the inside of my knee so now this would stop my running for three days so the skin could heal. This lead to some frustration on my part, so I gleefully took my 30-something year old Dremel Moto-Tool to the plastic and shaved it down. Ah...

I am now getting excited that Jato will arrive soon and my last limitation to returning to running will be a barrier crossed. Mentally I am preparing myself to do what it takes to get use to running on the blade. I find the running feet I have tried feel more natural, and when I put on my walking foot it feels stiff and awkward in comparison. Probably over time I will get a different foot with better rollover for walking/hiking, but the LP Renegade has served me well as a first foot that has allowed me to run better than I expected. I imagine the full height Renegade would have even been better since I could have had better energy return with it.

After some fits and starts mixed with anticipation and disappointment, I am getting excited again about the prospects of meeting Jato. I have learned much, mainly what does not work - which still is a valuable lesson. It is not possible to "try before you buy" a running prosthesis in many cases, so having a CP who will work with you is important. I do thank Scott Rigsby for sending me the Nitro foot which proved I could wear that type configuration, and it is the Nitro that is being custom built for my weight.

It is possible I will not see as big a difference as others coming from an everyday prosthesis to a running blade as I have been able to train at a reasonable novice level with the Renegade. I am looking forward to the lighter weight and more natural running foot strike of the Nitro and hope to run my next race on April 22 in it. Unless I am having to concentrate too much on learning how to run with the new getup, I should be able to lower my 5k PR again.

I have signed up for my first marathon to be run as an amputee, which can be found here. There was some talk about a marathon coming to the city of Charleston last year, and I was mildly despondent that I would not be able to participate yet. This event was to be one of the money-making Rock-n-Roll affairs, which all seem to be well organized and good races. I am pleased that a local man, Charles Fox, is going to be able to have this event as the inaugural half marathon/5k/kid's races were well organized and fun last year.

For many years I had wished a marathon would be run from Summerville down Hwy 61 to Charleston, a point-to-point course not unlike the Boston Marathon, in fact I nicknamed my course "Boston South." This is not to be as the race will likely start near the maritime center in downtown Charleston and run up to the old Naval Base in North Charleston.

It will still be a great course with as much scenery as a marathoner can consume AND with shrimp and grits at the finish, who dares to DNF?

See you on the starting line on January 15, 2011!

Running Down April Street

Today, two years ago, as I write this I was in my first surgery trying to repair my right foot. The idea was to make it healthy enough for me to be able to run again. My gut feeling was this had little chance of working, but felt enough outside pressure, real or imagined, that I felt I had to do it. The truth is I lacked the courage to face it.

One year and six days later I would take the step I could not bring myself to take this time. This first operation was very painful; when I woke up it felt like strong hands were trying to wrench my foot apart.

None of us know what tomorrow - or even the next minute - will bring to our lives. I have never thought my recent experiences were any more than challenges to be overcome and the threat to my life small. I was not facing the devastation of aggressive cancer, or having some rare condition for which there was little hope of a cure or even coming to daily terms with it.

What I have found in others is that we human beings, each and every one of us, possess an innate ability to be courageous under any horror life's caprices may visit upon our beings. That we do unspeakable things to each other that no disease could ever dream of in nightmares unimaginable. That we can go on and on given the minutest glimmer of hope and opportunity, that these flawed bodies can do miraculous things. If we each do our best, then together we cannot be broken.

As I get ready to receive my running prosthesis and the last barrier to being able to be the best runner I can be, I think on these things. On this new starting line, I am ready to go in mind, body, and spirit.

We reach into the unknown and find rare friends there.